Several years ago we had the incredibly unfortunate experience of losing my only sister to violence before the age of 50. The horror and pain of this loss, the shaking of my world view, still affects me daily. And the anger.

I’m not a big fan of anger, but I embraced this one, and at first tried to control it within myself as I went about the daily business of picking up the pieces. I felt other members of my family even more damaged than I, and put my own feelings into cold storage so I could function.

But the anger ate away at me, and even minor annoyances and disagreements unleashed feelings beyond what that current situation called for. I recognized how wrong this was, and took a variety of actions to address it.

Rainbow Darkly taught me years ago “Feel what you feel, admit what you feel, but do what you think is best.” I’ve tried to follow her guidance.

One of my approaches was the creation of  a talisman painted on a plate locking in my displaced anger, which I then smashed (using ritual equipment) in sacred space, saving only a fragment. That fragment has been in a blue glass goblet covered with fresh water in the West of my Temple for the last several years. Part of my regular ritual activity has been it’s care and tending, making sure the anger remained covered by waters consecrated to the Angel Gabriele. As the years have passed, when I needed motivation to continue, or dig into the laws of a foreign State and case law, I’d take it out, finger it in my hand, draw the strength of my anger, then return it.

This week our long case ended, with complete victory.

I am already planning the long awaited ritual in the next few months of bringing that last fragment of my anger into the woods by a stream, where I will meditate and slowly grind it down to dust, and let nature’s Waters carry away my pain.